


What's Going on Dear?

by ladyroxanne21



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Lucius is baffled, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 22:53:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13913865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyroxanne21/pseuds/ladyroxanne21
Summary: When Lucius sees his wife running around like there's a fiendfyre under her arse, he has no idea what's going on.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Pashiradoki_83](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pashiradoki_83/gifts).



> Based off a prompt by Pashiradoki, lol ^_^

 

Sitting on a comfortable reclining wicker chair, Lucius looked out over his beautiful south lawn as he read an interesting book about an elven princess made out of diamonds. She'd been made a general for a human King and was fighting to stop a mad Emperor from taking over the world. At the beginning of the book, the [diamond elf](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00FP3F1E2/) had freed a human man from slavery and they'd fallen in love. A sort of taboo love.

Lucius had no idea why, but the story fascinated him. It wasn't a romance like his wife sometimes read, but rather more of threat of war story. He liked the fact that the main character was flawed and made bad decisions just like anyone else. He could relate to that.

Suddenly, the door to the sun room burst open and his wife rushed out of the mansion with a bevy of house elves following her. She pointed to the pond toward the back of the south lawn. 

“I want an arch in front of the pond. Thirty chairs should do it. Set them up facing the arch. There'll need to be flowers and trays of drinks floating around. Tables! I have to decide where the tables'll go.”

“Narcissa, my love?” Lucius tried to interrupt her to ask what was going on. A sudden dinner party was his guess.

Narcissa whirled around and gasped. “Lucius! What are you doing just sitting there?! Go to the tailor and order a set of resplendent robes!”

He quirked a brow. “How resplendent?”

“Very. Now go!” She insisted, stamping her foot and pointing vaguely toward Diagon Alley.

“Erm... What –” 

“ _ GO _ !!!”

With a sigh, Lucius set his book aside and stood up. “Alright, my love. No need to shout. Any particular color I should choose?”

“Black, white, blue, or gold,” Narcissa answered in distraction as she watched the elves setting up the chairs. “No no no!  _ Not _ like that!” She rushed off to direct them more closely.

Baffled, Lucius Disapparated. A moment later, he was in the reception area of his favorite tailor.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Malfoy. What can I do for you today?”

Lucius formed a W with his hands and arms. “I've been ordered to buy a set of resplendent robes.”

“Yes, I expect you have,” the tailor murmured as he rushed over to install Lucius on a little platform and cast all sorts of spells on him. The spells summoned a basic set of robes that were magicked onto Lucius while the robes he was wearing were magicked off and carefully folded before being set aside. The new robes were then spelled to change in color, style, and fabric – for  _ hours _ – until Lucius found himself wearing perhaps the most extravagantly expensive robes he'd ever owned, and that was really saying something.

The robes were a rather thick black silk heavily embroidered with real gold thread. The majority of the embroidery was a sort of vine and leaves pattern – which symbolized prosperity – but there were also a few flowers and other random symbols on the robes as well. The effect was rather hot and heavy, but they were charmed to maintain the perfect temperature. They were also charmed so that the weight of the gold thread wouldn't distress the silk, nor would the fragile metal break – as gold tended to do when the thin strands were moved a lot.

Feeling as if he had definitely accomplished his mission, Lucius returned home. He carried his robes in a protective bag, handing the bag off to an elf that popped up to serve him right away. “Bilbo, put this in my closet for me, and be careful not to damage this in any way or I'll have to order you to iron your hands!”

“Yes master,” the elf replied obediently.

Lucius curiously looked around the Manor for his wife, wondering if she was calmer and could tell him what was going on. He heard her cold and melodious voice coming from near the ballroom. “There must be a banquet worthy of a King! Those aren't the right tablecloths – Mimsy! I said the white and  _ gold _ ones! That chandelier needs to be polished until it shines like the sun! You –” She cut herself off when she spotted her husband. “LUCIUS! Where have you been?!?! Go to the wine cellar this instant and select at least two dozen of our best wines!”

“Our  _ best _ wines?” Lucius asked with a raised brow.

“Well obviously not the ones we're saving for our anniversaries or when Draco has his first child, but other than that, yes!”

“Er... what's all this f–”

“GO!!!” Narcissa emphatically insisted.

Deciding that he'd just have to wait until she was calmer – probably when she came to bed – he turned and walked toward the cellar. He didn't Apparate because he wanted to take as much time as possible and avoid his wife's wrath if he should come back with something she deemed the wrong bottle. Not that he'd ever choose a bad wine.

He spotted Draco running flat out up ahead. “Er, Draco? Stop and –” 

But he was far too wound up too. “Can't stop dad! There's  _ way _ too much to do! I'm going to lose my shit if the cake's not right! Do you know where the kitchen is???” By this point, Draco had run past him and was headed in the exact opposite direction of the kitchen. He thought. Actually, he wasn't entirely sure either. “ _ Muffy! _ Where's the kitchen?!”

Draco's personal elf popped up and Apparated him away.

“Did we get picked to host a last minute charity ball?” Lucius asked no one as he scratched his head. With a shrug, he continued on to the wine cellar.

After picking out two dozen bottles of wine – all of which fell into the category of second best, he wasn't a fool who'd give out their  _ best _ wine like it was water – he levitated the crates back to the ballroom.

Once again, Narcissa was in the middle of spouting orders. “Roast lamb – of course – and pheasant, lobster, caviar, suckling pig, braised pears in wine sauce – LUCIUS! Where have you been?!?! Put those bottles over there! I want each type of wine to have it's own table of crystal goblets! Put the wine on a pedestal and a dozen goblets around it. There should be at least six tables. What are you waiting for?!”

Still as baffled as ever, Lucius levitated the wine over to the indicated area and began the task of setting up the tables.

Draco ran into the room. “Where's the cake going to go?!”

“Over there darling,” Narcissa pointed out.

“The cake's not big enough!” Draco shrieked, nearly tearing out his hair. “I have to tell them to start over!”

“Maybe have more than one cake?!” Narcissa called after him in suggestion. She turned back to the elves, who were busy with the seating arrangement. “Salazar's shriveled prick! I completely forgot the flowers!!!”

Lucius finished setting up the wine tables as asked and slunk out of the room. Clearly, he wouldn't get a straight answer out of his wife any time soon.

“And candles!!! LUCIUS!!! Go to Diagon Alley and buy  _ at least _ a hundred candles of all shapes and sizes!”

“But dear! What do we  _ need _ them for???” Lucius cried out in exasperation.

“Atmosphere and mood lighting, of course! I  _ know _ you're not so stupid as to not know that much at the very least! NOW GO!!!” Narcissa roared, already shouting at the elves again. “There should be little bite sized circles of ice cream in every flavor! And garlic roasted green beans, and – blast it! What am I forgetting???”

Sighing in mild aggravation, Lucius made his second trip to Diagon Alley that day. In the best shop to buy candles – along with other things – Lucius barely had to tell the clerk that he needed a hundred candles of all sorts, before the clerk was excitedly dragging him around the shop.

“You'll need some of these, and these of course – and OH! Aren't these just perfect!” The clerk was acting a bit like his wife and he was beginning to wonder if all the witches in the world had gone mad for some reason today. Although, that raised a few serious questions about his son...

Just when he was ready to purchase the candles, an elf arrived with a long list of other things he should buy while he was out. Since shopping was one of his favorite things to do, he decided that it was much better than going home and finding his wife still running around like a Hippogriff that's been thoroughly insulted.

After visiting three different shops, he had nearly everything on the list. And then a new list arrived. He glared at it lightly. “ _ Definitely _ some sort of charity ball!” Since the new list was made up of items he was instructed to assemble into gift bags for approximately 30 guests.

In every shop he went, the clerks seemed to be expecting him. “Ah, Mr. Malfoy! How exciting! Let me help you!” They were mostly witches, confirming his theory that they'd all gone around the twist.

By the time he got home, he was exhausted! He quietly ordered his personal elf to see to the things he'd bought. In the background, he heard Draco shouting across the ballroom.

“Mum! Are you certain about these flowers?! I think we should have some lilies as well!”

“We can have whatever flowers you like!”

“Do you think dad chose enough champagne or should I go choose a few more bottles?!”

“If you think we'll really  _ need _ more champagne...”

There was just no way in bloody hell that Lucius was going to subject himself to whatever madness had gripped them. He silently snuck off toward his bedroom. He only made it a few steps before he flinched sheepishly.

“AND WHERE IN SALAZAR'S MOLDERING GRAVE IS YOUR BLOODY FATHER?!?! HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN BACK BY NOW! I NEED HIM TO SUPERVISE THE PLACEMENT OF THE CANDLES!!!”

Yeah, no, he wasn't going to get caught up in anything the elves were perfectly capable of doing themselves. He quickly and quietly ran the rest of the way to his room and went to bed before his wife found him and insisted he help more. It was after 10 o'clock after all, and by rights, his wife should be in bed by now too.

In the morning, a blaringly loud alarm charm ripped him from his slumber. Narcissa sat up so suddenly that she startled him. Then she shook him.

“Get up! UP! We have so much to do today and so little time! I need you to check the candle placement against the chart, and then I need you to go into the kitchen and taste a little bit of everything the elves have made to ensure that it meets our exacting standards. Then I need you to go to Twilfitt and Tattings and pick up my dress robes. Then –” 

“Narcissa! My love, my darling, wh –” 

“ _ Stop trying to butter me up!  _ You can have your way with me tonight after this is all over! Or more likely tomorrow morning since I'll probably drop from exhaustion after the third course! I only slept  _ four hours _ , Lucius,  _ four _ !”

Lucius held his hands up in surrender. “Alright, love, I'll go taste the food!”

Narcissa gave him a swift kiss before leaping out of bed and rushing to pull a robe on. “I still have to finish decorating the chairs, and seeing to it that the elves string the lights up in the yard correctly, and we still don't have enough flowers!”

Slipping out of bed, Lucius was infinitely glad that his job involved food since he had a feeling that he wouldn't get a bite to eat otherwise until this banquet they were apparently hosting. By the time he left for Twilfitt and Tattings, it was a little after one in the afternoon. 

“Aren't you cutting it a little close?” The witch that owned the shop asked him with a chastising look.

With a careless shrug, Lucius simply paid for the dress robes – that were in a protective bag as well – and brought them home. To his surprise, several people – including that Potter brat – were now in the ballroom shouting at each other last minute things that needed to be done. Narcissa spotted him holding her dress robes and rushed to grab them.

“I was beginning to think I'd have to wear the same thing I wore to  _ last year's _ charity ball! Could you imagine the shame?!” She kissed his cheek and Apparated away.

Feeling like he'd probably better get dressed himself in case guests started arriving, he Apparated to his closet – which was separate from Narcissa's closet. He pulled on his new robes and spelled his hair and face to perfection. Once ready, he wandered the Manor, wondering where everyone was. Just as the clock was chiming two, he spotted Draco and his friends standing next to a glass door leading out to the backyard.

“It's about bloody time!!!” Draco roared frantically. “I swear, dad, that if you don't get your arse over here  _ this second, _ I'll cut off both your feet and use them to strangle you!”

Lucius was torn between being impressed by his son's creativity in threats, and being appalled that Draco thought he could talk to his father that way. He gave Draco a light glare even as he felt pride in his son. “Hold your thestrals; I'm coming.”

By this point, Pansy and Blaise had already walked out the door, but Lucius was too busy looking over Draco's dress robes to pay them any real attention. Draco looked like a prince in silk robes of a soft golden color layered with gold embroidery and several strings of gold beads draped from shoulder to shoulder. With a smile, Lucius decided that it was a good time to finally ask what in the bloody hell was going on.

But before he could, Draco clutched his arm and practically yanked him out the door. They were walking down an aisle toward a da ï s in the center of a circle of chairs, and this now looked less like a charity ball and more like a... He looked around curiously, spotting his wife sobbing into a lacy handkerchief from a seat next to the da ï s.

When he and Draco made it to the flower covered archway, they met up with that Potter brat and  _ Arthur Weasley?!?! _ Kingsley Shacklebolt smiled at him and asked: “Lucius Malfoy, do you give your son's hand in marriage to Harry Potter?”

Lucius felt like a bucket of ice cold water was dumped over his head. “Wait!  _ What??? _ ”

Draco glared at him. “I'm getting married, dad. What did you  _ think _ all these hasty wedding preparations were for?”

Lucius was so discombobulated that he could only open and close his mouth like a fish out of water for a few seconds before his eyes rolled back and he fell in a dead faint.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco reacts to his father fainting.

Draco rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Never mind him. Let's get on with it, shall we?" He asked the Minister.

Shacklebolt shrugged. "Alright. Arthur, do you give Harry's hand in Marriage to Draco Malfoy?"

Chuckling in a large amount of amusement, Arthur tore his eyes off Lucius laying inelegantly on the ground and placed Harry's hand in Draco's. "I give you my blessings, Draco, may you and Harry have a wonderful marriage." Once he was done, he took his seat.

The ceremony proceeded until both young men had made their vows. Lucius groaned and came to just in time to hear: "You may seal your vows with a kiss." He naturally had to crack an eye open and see what was going on just as his son and that Potter brat - who were both standing right over him - grabbed each other and kissed rather vulgarly. Lucius groaned again and slapped a hand over his mouth as he heaved, nearly sicking up.

Draco sighed impatiently and lightly kicked his father. "Now that you're awake, go over and sit next to mum!"

Groaning some more and dead certain that he had to be having a nightmare, he picked himself up and sat next to his wife, who was sobbing tears of joy into a lacy handkerchief. "Isn't it beautiful?" She asked him through her tears.

"So beautiful!" Molly called out in agreement from a few chairs over.

Lucius rubbed his temples. "A bloody nightmare," he muttered under his breath.

"I now pronounce you husband and husband," Kingsley announced.

Hand in hand, Harry and Draco went around thanking all their guests. When Draco made it around the circle to his parents, he hugged them both, and it was the feel of the vibrantly happy boy in his arms that made Lucius realize that he wasn't dreaming. Discombobulated all over again, he fainted once more.

Draco sighed heavily, shook his head again, and gently set his father into a chair. "He'll get over it eventually," he assured Harry.

"I hope so," Harry murmured with a soft smile, enjoying the fact that Lucius was having such a hard time with this. He pulled Draco back into his arms and gave him another demanding and possessive kiss. Purring happily, Draco melted into Harry as the rest of the world seemed to fade away.

**Author's Note:**

> Buwahahahahahahahaha! ^_^


End file.
